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10 Facts About Startup Office Etiquette

Featured Boombot: Meanie Greenie

Featured Boombot Speaker: Boombot1

Working in a startup can be extremely fun and grueling so we’ve devised a list of facts on office etiquette that should be applied to any bootstrapped startup.  We are in a hardware startup with a vision to make the best portable speakers in the world, so we need every bit of focus we can get. We face a lot of issues that we thought other Startups have in common so we thought we would share.  Please don’t take offense.

  1.  If your startup serves food and drinks for free you will gain 10 pounds every year
  2. If you ever cry in the office, you’re virtually fired.
  3. If you complain to HR, you’re a little bitch.  Same as crying in the office.  By the way, as another rule, if you HAVE an HR department, you’re not a startup so stop acting like it.
  4. You will run out of money someday.  Don’t cry.  Don’t be a bitch.
  5. If you used more than 22 minutes to eat lunch, you might as well be masturbating.
  6. Speaking of which, If you watch porn on your work computer, stick to a URL that doesn’t conflict with a commonly used work site (example, don’t use Youporn if you frequent YouTube).  Clean your keyboard.
  7. If you work in a mixed gender or gay office, do not fuck the local wildlife unless its an intern or 1099
  8. If you got laid over the weekend, be sure to send out the memo over Yammer and claim you prize.
  9. Nobody cares how many emails you sent out today.
  10. Nobody cares about which school you went to or how rich your parents are.

Disclaimer: These statements have been drafted as a humorous interpretation of our office behavior.  We actually care about creating a comfortable work environment for all.  These are just things that annoy us and we want to make the world a better place.  

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