Working in a startup can be extremely fun and grueling so we’ve devised a list of facts on office etiquette that should be applied to any bootstrapped startup. We are in a hardware startup with a vision to make the best portable speakers in the world, so we need every bit of focus we can get. We face a lot of issues that we thought other Startups have in common so we thought we would share. Please don’t take offense.
- If your startup serves food and drinks for free you will gain 10 pounds every year
- If you ever cry in the office, you’re virtually fired.
- If you complain to HR, you’re a little bitch. Same as crying in the office. By the way, as another rule, if you HAVE an HR department, you’re not a startup so stop acting like it.
- You will run out of money someday. Don’t cry. Don’t be a bitch.
- If you used more than 22 minutes to eat lunch, you might as well be masturbating.
- Speaking of which, If you watch porn on your work computer, stick to a URL that doesn’t conflict with a commonly used work site (example, don’t use Youporn if you frequent YouTube). Clean your keyboard.
- If you work in a mixed gender or gay office, do not fuck the local wildlife unless its an intern or 1099
- If you got laid over the weekend, be sure to send out the memo over Yammer and claim you prize.
- Nobody cares how many emails you sent out today.
- Nobody cares about which school you went to or how rich your parents are.
Disclaimer: These statements have been drafted as a humorous interpretation of our office behavior. We actually care about creating a comfortable work environment for all. These are just things that annoy us and we want to make the world a better place.